Heroes Never Go to the Bathroom

“As I feed these synchrotron pulsors through the system,” Spock was saying, “confirm connectivity with the graphics on the scanner above.”

“Aye, sir. Go ahead.” One by one, we fed and confirmed each patch in, trying to cram a week’s repairs into a few minutes. The end result would be power for just a few photon shots, but those were better than nothing. Small talk kept trying to squeeze out of me, and I kept mashing it down. All I needed now was to be asking Spock a gaggle of stupid questions. My nerves were whining like the Keeler‘s rigging. My hands were cold, and I had to use the head—oh no! Not now. Please, not now. Heroes never go to the bathroom! Horatio Hornblower didn’t, Superman didn’t, Cyrus Centauri didn’t—but I did. Which proved who was a hero and who wasn’t. As Spock worked under the console, I finally asked, “Uh, sir? Permission to step updeck?”

He paused, then resumed working. “Certainly.”

I dashed into the bridge head, and by the time I dashed out again, the Romulans had arrived.

Yep, there they were. I knew I should never have gone to the head.

— Battlestations!, Chapter 11

There is a head on the bridge of the USS Enterprise. 😄